Diary of a Sparkly Hufflepuff
by Good boy-chan
Summary: Edward Cullen is on official business in Scotland when he stumbles across Hogwarts, a school for witchcraft and wizardry. There, he meets people who seem to know him, be he can't remember them. Based on Rob Pat playing Edward and Cedric. Cedric/EdwardxCho
1. Chapter 1

**Hello everyone! Welcome to "Diary of a Sparkly Hufflepuff", my first Harry Potter/Twilight crossover! Really, I hate Twilight...**

**This is the diary of Edward Cullen. Or Cedric. Call him what you wish.**

**I do not own Harry Potter (that honor goes to J.K. Rowling) or the Twilight series (that...goes to Stephanie Meyer).**

**First chapter is dedicated to RandomAwesomer101, who basically told me to publish this.**

* * *

><p>Dear Diary,<p>

I am a MAN! I should not be calling this a diary. Lemme start over...

Dear Journal,

Nah, too boring.

Dear Book...what the hell?

Wazzup homie?

...I am so sleep deprived.

To whom it may concern,

Too formal. Yuck. Also makes it sound like I'm dying. Um, no thank you.

Dear Fag,

Hm. I guess that works.

Dear Fag,

My name is Edward Cullen. You've probably heard of me. How could you not? Wait you're a book. Anyway, I've had a lovely lady publish four astounding books. All. About. Me.

Well, and Bella.

Bella Swan (well I guess she's an official "Cullen" now) is my wife. We have a beautiful daughter, Renesmee. There was this huge fiasco about her and we almost had a war over her. Fun, right?

I am currently on official vampire business in Scotland.

Oh yeah. I'm a vampire. Slipped my mind. Again. Being over 100 will do that to ya. Just saying.

Anyway, yeah, I'm in Scotland. I can't say what I'm supposed to do because it's all very hush-hush at the moment. So I can't say that I'm looking for more vampire clans to take down the Volturi. Nope, can't say it.

Wait...fuck.

HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT THAT'S A HUGE-ASS CASTLE.

Ok...shit...my heart nearly started beating again...a huge...HUGE castle just popped up outta nowhere! What the fuck? I'm gonna go check it out because I'm stu—cool like that. I'm cool like that.

Here's hoping I don't die...again. Wait, am I alive or dead? Am I undead? Or a glittery alive thingymajigger?

Meh, who cares.

* * *

><p><strong>Short chapter, I'm boring, review!<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2! Enjoy and review!**

**Forgot to say this: WARNING: contains high amounts of vulgarity. But I guess you knew that already...hehe...**

* * *

><p>Dear Fag,<p>

Okay, today was hectic. Apparently I'm this dead guy? I mean, what the fuck?

Let me start at the beginning.

I entered the giant, magnificent castle, staring up at awe at the intricacies etched on the walls and ceiling.

Pssh...who am I kidding?

I used my epic vampire speed powers to sneak into the castle, hurrying past a giant man with a huge beard who was leading a group of tweens to the entrance. I backtracked and decided to follow them. I learned from their thoughts that this was Hogwarts, School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Or...was it Pigfarts, School of Laser Guns and Flying Doughnuts? Someone was thinking that.

Anywho...

I followed them stealthily (like a BOSS) into a giant dining room. Well, that's the best word I can use to describe it. There were four extremely long tables with four sets of an extreme amount of (apparent) students.

I looked to the front and saw an old, strict-looking woman standing at a podium. She seemed about ready to make a speech.

"Welcome, students, to another year at Hogwarts! This year we have three new professors. We have Professor Potter, who will be teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts." She motioned to a black-haired man with round glasses sitting behind her. "You probably know him better as Harry Potter."

Whispers filled the hall as students turned to their neighbors. Their thoughts were a giant jumble, but I could tell that they were all thinking about this Harry Potter guy, whoever he was. Apparently he's this big guy with a bunch of power. The professor himself was actually thinking about his kids, who were waving at him from a table under a banner of red and gold.

"We have Professor Weasley, who will be teaching Muggle Studies." A brown-haired nice-looking woman stood and waved jauntily. She was hoping her daughter, also at the red-and-gold table, would be able to make it through the year.

"And we have Professor Chang, who will be teaching Potions." A beautiful Asian woman stood, smiling and waving happily.

And I could hear no thoughts from her.

A massive headache began to grow. I clutched at it, the pressure growing until it felt like it was going to split open. I vaguely heard the strict woman saying something about the death of a previous professor—Snailtrumpet or something?—which was why this woman was taking his place. But all I could focus on was the excruciating pain inside my head. I saw brief, vivid flashes of the Asian woman younger and laughing and...was that...kissing me?

Wow. I feel all eloquent now. Yay me! Insert a London Tipton "Yay me!" here.

My intense headache prevented me from sensing another presence in the corridor. I heard a "Hey! Who are you?" from behind me and struck out instinctively.

Note to self: check to see who it is before you hit someone with vampire strength.

"Are you alright?" I asked him. I stood over the man's body. He was wearing a sort of plant thingy coiled around his neck, much like a snake.

"Ow..." He sat up. "Yeah, I'm fine, no worries mate..." His voice trailed off when he saw my face. "Merlin's beard!" (Me: WTF?) "It's Cedric Diggory! A constipated looking one, but still!"

The name sent another huge headache rushing through my head but I ignored it to the best of my abilities. "Who?"

"You! You're Cedric Diggory! You're alive! Wait till Harry hears about this! And Cho will—"

"Has anyone seen Professor Longbottom?" The strict woman's voice floated through the doorway.

"Oops, that's me," the man said. (Me: His name is Longbottom? ...XD) He picked himself off of the floor and said, "Stay in my office until the feast is over. I'll get Harry, Hermione, Cho and Luna—" He flashed me his left hand. On it was a gold band. "—Luna and I got married."

I nodded (it seemed like the right thing to do). "Congratulations. Can you remind me where your office is again?" I figured I might as well play along.

Longbottom gave me a strange look but said, "Yeah, it's..." and gave me an extremely detailed route. "...And it'll be the fifth door on your right. Or your left. The doors have taken to changing nowadays. Peeves did something to them."

"Right. See ya, Longbottom!" I walked off in the direction (I hoped) of his office. I was hoping to read his mind, but my headache kinda got in the way.

As it turns out, it took one and a half hours to reach the office. When I arrived, Longbottom was already there along with Professors Weasley, Potter, and Chang. Two other women, one with platinum blond hair and the other with ginger hair, were seated next to Longbottom and Professor Potter respectively. A ginger man stood next to Professor Weasley.

This ginger man gave a start when I entered. "Bloody hell..." he whispered. "It's Cedric." The Asian woman put a hand over her mouth and gasped dramatically, taking a step back.

"It is," Professor Potter agreed. My headache reared its ugly head and roared in my face, causing the headache to become nearly unbearable. I couldn't read minds, cuz it caused me that much pain.

Holding on to my manly pride, I winced slightly and looked even more constipated.

"Congrats, Harry," the ginger male said, clapping Professor Potter on the back. "You now share the title of 'The Boy Who Lived'."

"Who the hell is Cedric?" I asked suddenly. The question seemed to take them all by surprise. "Who the hell are you? And what the fucking hell is going on?"

"What's with the American accent, mate?" the ginger male said. "Anyway, since you obviously deemed it unworthy to rememer any of us, I'm Ron. My wife is Hermione, and she's teaching Muggle Studies this year." He gestured to Professor Weasley. "Neville is the professor of Herbology." He tapped the man I had run into earlier, Professor Longbottom. "Luna is his wife." He pointed to the dreamy-looking blonde.

"Cho is your...erm...ex-girlfriend." He pointed to the Asian woman, who still seemed to be in shock. "Ginny is my sister and Harry's wife..." He pointed to the other redhead. "And I'm sure you remember Harry."

"I actually don't know any of you," I said bluntly. "I don't know who you think I am, or what happened to me, but I don't think that I'm who you think I am."

The Asian woman finally seemed to snap out of her shock and approached me. "Cedric...that is your name. You were killed by the Dark Lord during the Triwizard Tournament years ago. Don't you remember any of that?"

In my mind, I caught glimpses of a noseless man shooting a jet of green light towards me. "Kind of. I mean..."

She silenced me. "Cedric...I have something to say to you." She grapsed my shoulders, almost as if to pull me into a hug.

Then she started shaking me. "WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN? I'VE CRIED MY FUCKING EYES OUT FOR TOO FUCKING LONG OVER YOU! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW STRESSFUL THIS WAS FOR ME?" Then she threw her arms around me and began sobbing. "I'm so glad that you're alive. BUT—" She began shaking me again. "—THAT GIVES YOU NO EXCUSE TO NOT WRITE, TO NOT CALL, OR ANYTHING!"

It was at that moment that my phone decided to vibrate. She released me, saying, "Phones aren't supposed to works at Hogwarts."

"Then I'm just cool that way," I retorted to the (bipolar) woman as I pulled out my phone.

"What is that?" Ron asked, staring at my iPhone in awe.

"My cell phone..." I replied slowly.

Hermione slapped Ron on the back of the head. "Honestly, Ron, I've taught you about cell phones!"

"Right..." I turned my attention back to my phone.

It was a text from Bella that read:

"OMG EDWARD I 3 U SO MUCH RENESMEE IS SO PERFECT N U R 2 JUST A LITTLE REMINDER GOING CLIFF DIVING AGAIN BAI! 3"

I facepalmed at Bella's stupidity and tried to remind myself that yes, this was the woman that I loved.

Cho snatched the phone outta my hand and raised an eyebrow. "Cedric...who is this?"

I, being incredibly stupid, blurted out, "That's my wife."

"And Renesmee?"

"My daughter."

"Hermione!" she barked. "How do you work this?"

"You tap the 'Messages' app on the screen and type in a message," Hermione replied. "But what are you—"

Blatantly ignoring her, Cho hurriedly typed a message back to Bella. I quickly stole it back and read the text she sent.

"BITCH I'M CHO CHANG, CEDRIC'S ONE TRUE LOVE! IF YOU KNOW WHATS GOOD FOR YOU, YOU WILL TAKE YOUR KID AND MOVE TO AFRICA AS SOON AS YOU CAN CUZ I'M MAD AS HELL! IF YOU DON'T DO SO I WILL AVADA KEDARVA YOUR ASS SO HARD YOU WON'T KNOW WHAT HIT IT! GO DIE IN A HOLE!"

I facepalmed.

My phone vibrated again, signaling that Bella had texted back. I read it:

"Edward…who's Cedric? And who's Cho Chang? Uv been drinking drugged animals again hvnt u? 3"

"Sorry Bells," I typed back. "Some random woman just stole my phone. She keeps calling me Cedric and thinks I'm the dead love of her life."

Pretty soon, Bella responded. "O this again? Just kill her k gtg now bai! 3"

Once more, Cho stole the phone and read the texts. Her face grew darker with every word that she read.

A wave of killer intent washed over me from the petite Asian. "Time to run before she castrates you, mate," Ron said helpfully.

I followed his advice and ran.

Which leads us to my current situation. I'm in a closet of some sort, looks like a broom closet.

Oh shit there's footsteps.

Oh shit the door's opening.

OH SHIT IT'S HER.

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you to <span>chocolate is a way of life<span>, Taeryfai, RandomAwesomer101 and cellionnette for reviewing! AND for putting this on their favorites list! you all get cybercookies. Or hugs from your favorite Harry Potter character. You choose. :)**

**Other people...review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**I apologize for lateness! Thanks for sticking with me, guys. :)**

**I own neither Harry Potter nor Twilight.**

* * *

><p>Why hello there.<p>

How interesting! I can't seem to use a Self-Writing Quill for this!

Anyways…

CEDDY-KINS.

WHAT THE HELL.

WHAT IS THIS.

FUCK YOU.

I'M THE FUCKING LOVE OF YOUR LIFE.

WHO THE HELL IS BELLA.

I WILL FUCKING MURDER YOU.

Well I hope you read this. Right now you're kinda…um…you kinda got Sectumsempra-ed…and Crucio-ed…yeah…

And you aren't bleeding.

YOU BLOODY FREAKED ME OUT.

You got knocked out by the Crucio, but the healers are really confused by you, Cedric.

They're saying that you're a vampire.

But you can't be, right? I mean, vampires can't be killed by Avada Kedavra…oh.

Oh.

Oh.

I just noticed.

You have fangs.

And your skin is pale.

And your eyes aren't brown. They're…gold?

…

But you died…in 1995…it's 2017 now… it's been 22 years, Cedric.

Do you have any idea what happened when you died?

I cried for you. I had loved you!

How could you disappear on us?

How…why?

…

Sorry about earlier. I think I went into shock/mad rampage mode.

I'm not good at keeping my emotions bottled up. They kinda all burst out at once. Sorry.

…

You know, I'm dating a Muggle now. That's a non-magical person, by the way, since you seem to have forgotten.

His name's Robert.

He's a really nice guy.

…

I'm going to go cry in a corner now. Here's your stupid diary back.

Oh yeah.

I'm gonna charm it so that you can't write "Dear Fag" anymore. That's just disgusting.

And…there.

Alright.

When you wake up, I'm expecting an explanation.

I'll be in my office.

And since you don't remember where it is…

Just walk down the stairs.

All the way.

My office is in the dungeons.

The password is "melancholy".

* * *

><p><strong>It's short, but I typed this up in half an hour. I felt like I need to update. Give me a break.<strong>

**Thanks to Thunder Krystal, Sakura Lisel, DramaShay, and Taeryfai for reviewing! Cybercake for everyone!**


End file.
